सोमवार, 12 दिसंबर 2016

I wanna commit suicide But I will not!

[11] It is getting cold🌬 in the morning and night. There is hardly anything more comforting than a piping hot cup of tea☕ on a cold winter morning in New Delhi. Haapy Winter's! I prefer to stay inside keeping myself warm💆. Nights are full of loneliness, cool breeze, shivering🌫🌫.
Image Source: Selfwork!

I have struggled with depression whole my life😗. I didn’t know what it was when I was a kid, of course. No one did, really. It was the ’90s and my parents🙇 spent all their time fighting and trying to feed us. A life in poverty, a life where your wishes doesn't exist, a life without Friends and most important a life full of struggle😌. Struggle to earn, struggle to feed and struggle to stay here on this planet earth🏡. There was the day when I think I could die😇 because it wouldn’t traumatize anyone. But then I will not do this because, I didn’t want to hurt my friends. I didn’t want to hurt my family. I didn’t even really want to die. I just didn’t want to exist anymore😊.

The best way to deal with complicated emotions was to pretend they didn’t exist. So I went to bed every night praying to not wake up; 🏚or to wake up into a different life🏠, and maybe this one was just a dream. Generally, I am happy😀. I have happiness every day. But there is always a deep well of sadness inside of me, what I say, my “baseline sadness😉”.

It is getting dark earlier, more earlier and earlier.

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